Villages are Not Formulaic, They Just Happen

by Luke

The formation of a ‘village’ is not forced or initiated; rather it happens naturally and even, dare I say, mystically and providentially. In other words, one does not start out to be a member of a village, it just happens to him or her. Our ‘village’ is a great case study in this regard. Some of us have been ‘around’ each other or shared the same space before entering the village.

Consider the following: four of the members of our village went to the same high school; two graduated in 1978, one graduated in 1977, the other one graduated in 1976. The four fathers and two of the sons are members of the same fraternity. Six of the members of our village went to the same college. After graduating from college, the couples just started hanging out.

Why? We had so many things in common: fraternal ties, worldview ties, collegial ties, etc. And no one said, “Hey, we have these things in common, so let’s start hanging out together.” And no one said, “Hey, let’s call ourselves a ‘village.’” We just spent time together and an unforced genuine fondness for each other just happened. In other words, there is not a formula or recipe to follow to get a special group of close friends like this. It just happens and I think you will know when it happens.

All four couples have two kids each. Two couples are godparents to each other’s children. Several years ago one of the village families moved to St. Louis and the other three families remain in Kansas City, Missouri. When the family now living in St. Louis visits Kansas City, they make visiting with the other three couples a high priority.

Today, we continue to hang out because I think subconsciously and consciously we all realize we have a special and dear friendship. A member of the village once sensed when another member was struggling, which was confirmed with a call.

We actually enjoy each other’s company and we can disagree and still enjoy each others’ company. Two couples (before kids) traveled from Kansas City to/from New Orleans by car together. And in spite of the fact that one of the wives was a little annoying (she didn’t mean to be), we are still friends. We all have gone on vacations together (yes four families together).

All of our experiences, well, they just happened.